I first posted this on Medium here.
A few weeks ago I decided to try a little experiment and consciously shut up during meetings and other interactions with people at work. I wanted to interrogate some of my unconscious biases I have in an environment of people who are predominately like me. These are worth reading for more info this, this and this. Also, this talk by Caroline Drucker is fantastic.
I wanted to check my urges to interrupt during any meeting (from one to one chats to large groups) at work and only speak when someone else had completely finished. I also wanted to observe how often other men speak/interrupt.
Before this I thought I was fairly well behaved and didn’t interrupt too often and was pretty good at listening as well. I’m a user researcher by profession and one of the the most important things we do is listen and observe. But, this has made me realise that actually I’m pretty shitty at these things out of a research environment. The urge to jump in or to suggest the conclusion to someone else’s point is alarmingly strong (this is embarrassing to write). The other thing I’ve realised a lot more is the one-upmanship that goes on, men wanting to score the killer insight or have the final comment to a conversation. I knew both of these existed, but I am shocked by how much I have observed.
I’m still learning about this, but here’s a some thoughts I’ve had about meetings and how men can be more aware. None of this is profound new advice, but when you shutup you could learn something.
- Shutup and listen. I mean really, listen.
- Wait. Let someone finish.
- Don’t assume you know more than others.
- Strive to make the workplace safe for everyone to feel like they can contribute, through whatever means suits them.
It’s only been a few weeks, but this little experiment has taught me a lot.
(The header image is taken from this brilliant Toast article ‘Women Listening To Men In Western Art History’)